TRIGGER: A Motorcycle Club Romance Novel Page 17

  “Yeah, you’ve also got a kid. And Endo’s got a kid. And if anything goes wrong…”

  “Nothing’s gonna go wrong, Trig. I don’t want you comin’ back here ‘til I say so. Don’t be stupid. If you come back here and they come lookin’, they’ll kill you straight away and…”

  “And no one else will have to take a bullet,” I said, teeth gritted now. I closed my eyes tight. I realized what I was saying. Reign had offered me a future in the club. But what kind of future could that possibly be if I was cowardly enough to let someone else fight my battle? How could I ever look in the mirror again knowing I put my brother’s lives in danger to save my own ass?

  No, if they were gonna fight on my behalf, I was gonna be there.

  “Trigger, I swear to God, if I see you rolling up on that damn low-rider of yours, I’ll have your fucking hide myself,” Reign said, his don’t-fuck-with-me tone coming out in full strength. “You stay where the fuck you are, and let us take care of this. Understand?”

  I didn’t speak, my mind still racing with the weight of my decision. But I’d made it, and I wasn’t going back on it. Couldn’t.

  “Do. You. Under. Stand,” Reign said again, punctuating each word.

  “I’ll see you soon, boss,” I said, pulling the phone away from my ear. Even before I could click off, I could hear the torrent of curses that Reign was unleashing on the other end.

  Cass, I thought, letting the phone fall beside me on the bed. Immediately, my heart clenched tight in pain. I just got you back…

  As though she could hear my thoughts, I heard the click of the door opening and shutting. When I looked up, I was reminded, vividly, of that very first time I’d seen her body, when she’d accidentally come out of the shower in the nude. Her face was scrubbed pink, hair wet from the shower, the towel clinging to her curves. With a bashful smile, she made her way to me.

  “So,” she said. “I, uh…well, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Me either,” I said, grabbing her hand when she got close enough. It was soft, the palm warm in mine. Pulling her down, I felt her lips land on mine, gentle and plump. I want to kiss you forever, I thought, my heart sinking as I realized – it was a desire that would never come to fruition. As I released her, she sighed, and sank down beside me on the bed.

  “What now?” she asked, reaching out to take my hand once more. “Do you…do you want…want me? Still? More? I mean, are we going to….”

  “I have to leave,” I said, interrupting her, turning my head to the side. Her body went stiff beside me. She released my hand.

  “What?” she asked, voice clipped, a savage, angry tone to it. “What do you mean? Leave…leave where? You’re safe here…”

  “I have to go home, Cass. I have to go back to the club. I…they’re going to be in a lot of trouble, if I don’t, even if I do, those guys…they’re not going to let me go. They’re going to go after my brothers, they’ll chase me for the rest of my life…”

  “So we’ll go to Mexico. Or Canada. Or France. Wherever. They can’t follow you everywhere, Trig. I don’t have much money, but I have some. You don’t have to…”

  “I do, Cass,” I said, looking back at her. Tears made her eyes shiny, though I could tell she was willing them back. “It’s the right thing to…”

  “The right thing to do? It’s the right thing to do? To…to fucking….to leave me again? My God, Trig, did you just fucking…did you just use me to get away? Did you just want to fuck me again one more time before ditching me? How can…how can you do this to me? How can you do this to me again? Are you…are you fucking…no! I won’t let you! I’m not going to let you go and leave me just to get yourself killed! I might not that much self-respect, but I have enough to know that if you leave now, you’re just…fuck, Thomas!”

  As she spoke, those tears she was trying to blink back began to spill.

  “Cass, I’ll come back for you, I promise. I’ll…I’ll do anything I have to, and I’ll come back for you, I swear it…”

  I stood then, knowing that there was no use in dragging it out any longer. She grabbed my hand again, as though to pull me back down, but I wrenched it away, the violence of my sadness matching the violence of my actions. Was I making promises I couldn’t keep? I didn’t even know if I’d be alive in three day’s time…

  “You…” she started to say, but I was already rushing myself out the door, through the living room. I heard her following; out of the corner of my eye, I saw the pink of her towel, her wet hair. I heard her swallowed sobs.

  “Trigger, come back! Please, don’t do this! You’re going to get yourself killed, you’re going to get yourself hurt, and we just got this back, I just got you back…”

  Her voice followed me to the front door. Jennie stood, wide-eyed, looking horror-struck. For some reason, in the way she looked at me, I saw all that was wrong with me. I saw, once more, why Cass would always be too good for me, why leaving would be the only way to ever truly love her.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, to Jennie, ignoring the fact that Cass was just inches away from me. And then I was out the door, hearing it slam shut behind me, and the black night swallowing me up. I looked back once. Cass stood – still half-naked – just inside the door, her hand on the knob, the other hand clutched the towel, tears streaming down her face, her cheeks now pink with emotion rather than the freshly washed glow of a shower.

  And then I straddled my bike, and forced all the thoughts from my mind except one: this is your duty, this is what you owe the club, it’s time to reap what you’ve sown.

  And then the engine kicked to life, and chased all my thoughts away, though it couldn’t do the same for the water in my eyes, which persisted, no matter how I tried to blink it away.

  Cass

  I turned around, tears blurring my vision. Outside the door, the bike kicked to life, and I heard the telltale sound of him leaving. Again. Jennie stood before me, mouth open. Her eyes dashed from mine to the door, then to the small table next to the door. As though struck by lightning, she spurted forward towards it.

  “Get dressed, Cass,” she said, and I heard the clatter of keys as she grabbed them from the small porcelain bowl next to the door.

  “We can’t…Jenn…I can’t…”

  “Stop being a doormat, Cass,” Jennie said, dangling the keys in my face. “I should have done this myself every time you left. I’m not going to sit here and watch someone walk out on you when you know it’s wrong. Now get dressed, we have a man to follow.”

  Before I could overthink it, I grabbed her into a hug again.

  “Jennie, thank you,” I said. “Jesus, when did you get so…strong? And smart?”

  “We can talk about it in the car,” she said, hugging me back briefly before pushing me off. “Now get moving. I’ll start the car.”

  Five minutes later, we were speeding down the main road in town, both hunched forward looking for a cycle; he had to take I-80, we figured, since that was the only main highway going to Utah. For a brief moment, just before the exit that would take us to the highway, I thought I saw his taillights before us, but they were lost into the moving traffic.

  “Jennie, what the hell are we doing?” I moaned, slumping down in my seat. “We have no idea where he’s going…”

  “Yes, we do,” Jennie said. “Well, I mean, I do…”

  I scoffed.

  “Okay, then. How do you know…”

  “I may have gone out to look at his bike, and I may have found his wallet in his saddle bag…”

  Oh my God, I’m so stupid, I thought. I’d assumed he’d left his wallet and other belongings behind, but of course it made more sense he would have kept that in his saddle bag.

  “So you have his address?” I probed, hopes rekindling.

  “Well, I have an address…who knows if it’s real, but if it is, we’re going to a town called Ditcher’s Valley, in Utah,” she said, merging into the middle lane. I quickly pulled out my phone and plugged it in. We were ten hour
s away, give or take. I showed her the map, biting my lip.

  “That’s a long way, Jennie. You don’t have to…you don’t have to take me the whole way, you know. You can drop me off in Provo or something, I can…”

  “Cass,” she said, her voice breaking slightly. “you’re my sister. And I’ll admit, I’ve been…been mad at you. But I saw how you looked at him. You love him. I won’t let you take a chance of losing him. I don’t want you going back to that asshole…”

  “Still, won’t Mike…”

  “Mike will understand,” Jennie interrupted. “Believe it or not, he listens to me and trusts me and respects me.”

  With that, she gave me a short, meaningful look. I knew she was thinking about Brock, and how hypocritical it was for me to disapprove of her relationship when my own had been such an obvious wreck. The long pause between us was starting to grow uncomfortable when she spoke again.

  “Besides, we can consider this some much-needed sister time.”

  That’s when she flashed me a smile, so unmistakably hers, so earnest. My heart swelled with love. She’d turned into such a beautiful woman, and even though I wasn’t sure she understood the full implications of jumping into the relationship she did, I was starting to trust her more and more. Looking into her eyes, I saw happiness there. And after growing up the way we did, could I really ask for anything more?

  “Jennie…” I started, but my words caught in my throat. Coughing, I willed myself to say what needed to be said. “Jennie, you know why…you know why I was with Brock, right? Or…I mean…you know what made me stay?”

  “I think I do, Cass, but…but it doesn’t, it still doesn’t make sense to me,” she said.

  “You didn’t…Pop went to jail before he could really…really, you know, start messing with you but…but I lived with him for so long, and it just…it felt natural, you know? It felt like, I don’t know, like the way men treated women. The way men treated me. So I didn’t mind…I put up with him, because he wasn’t as bad as Pop was,” I said, the words sounding thin and useless as I spoke. I knew it was a paltry excuse, a coward’s explanation. I should have left so long ago, I thought. I should never have let him treat me that way.

  “I know,” Jennie said with a sigh. Her eyes darted to me between glimpses in the rearview. “I know, I mean, it makes…sense…kind of.”

  “I’m just – I need you to know. I’m not blind or stupid. I’ve known for a long time, it was wrong, but…but it seemed like, too much effort to end it, when I already had the skin to withstand it. And Jennie…I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you. I only did it because…”

  Jennie’s hand moved, lightly taking my own.

  “I know why you did it, Cass. And I do…I mean, thank you. You know, when I was little, I didn’t understand. But then I got older and I realized, you did it for me, because it was the best thing for me. I wouldn’t have survived in that house, with Pop, without you. And I had a good childhood because of Jackie and Gloria. I mean, later, when you went with Brock, I…I didn’t understand. I didn’t get it. And I still don’t, not really, but…it’s okay, you know?”

  “I know it is,” I said, looking out the window, cars rushing by, tears prickling my eyes once more. “I know it’s okay, Jennie. It’s just…it’s good to hear you say.”

  “Little motherfucker surprised me! What was I s’posed to do!” Brock said, pleading with his hands out. The three men in front of him shared the same sneers.

  “Not even a scratch on the kid,” Jim said.

  “And you’re bloodied up worse than Jesus on the cross,” Harry agreed.

  “Fucking pathetic,” Frank said, spitting onto the ground at Brock’s feet.

  Already, their best heavies were on the way to the shit town that the biker club called home, ready to bash in as many skulls and spill as many teeth as necessary to make the point that fucking with the Cavatele brothers was not in your best interest. They’d lay waste to the club and kill the kid who’d caused all the trouble.

  The brothers wouldn’t get their money back, but they’d be paid in blood.

  “I swear, he got me by surprise, that’s all! I’ll do better next time, I will, I swear it,” Brock whimpered.

  “Next time?” Frank asked with a sick smile on his face.

  “What makes you think there will be a next time?” Harry wondered aloud.

  “Your fighting days are over, my bulky moronic friend,” Jim said, crossing his arms and glowering at the man.

  “What?But…but that’s not fair! You said…you have to…that’s not fair!” Brock bellowed, his anger overcoming his fear, the injustice of the situation riling him up to a near fit. “You all said…”

  “Don’t make the mistake of raising your voice to us,” Harry said, his own voice low, eyes narrowed to slits.

  “You’re already too fucked up to beat any sense into,” Jim said.

  “You ought to count your blessings,” Frank advised.

  “Count my blessings? Count my fucking blessings? What fucking blessings? Your fucking ringer went out of his goddam mind and beat the shit out of me, and I’m already not getting paid, so you better fucking tell me what kind of blessings I…”

  A scream cut his rant short. Frank, leaning forward, had grabbed his broken, bleeding nose between his thumb and forefinger. Pulling forward and twisting, he stared right into Brock’s watering eyes.

  “There are lots of reasons to consider yourself lucky, friend,” Jim said from behind Frank.

  “Don’t make us start taking those reasons away,” Harry growled, examining his nail.

  Frank released Brock, the huge man bellowing in pain as new blood leaked from his nose.

  “Get the fuck out of here,” Jim said. Brock’s eyes moved wildly from man to man, confused and hurt and angry.

  “Now,” Frank shouted, and Brock jumped like a cat from his chair, trotting from the room as fast as his broken body would take him.

  Trigger

  I rode for ten hours. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t risk arriving too late.

  I first noticed the cars when I was three hours from Ditcher’s Valley. Three blue Buicks that seemed to follow my every move, were always there in the rearview.

  But it wasn’t until I turned off the highway at the Ditcher’s Valley exit that I knew for sure.

  I hadn’t seen any evidence of the rest of the club, either ahead of me or behind. I could only hope that they’d already made it back to the bar.

  The panic came in waves. So did the regret. And the sadness. And then more panic. And then more regret. Until, after seven hours or so, my mind was so rattled and my body was so tired that all I could think of was staying awake and upright. And the cars.

  The one tiny road that led to town was deserted except for me and the cars behind me. As the little buildings of Ditcher’s Valley came into view, I revved my engine, breaking the speed limit by a wide margin, hoping to gain just a little time on the Buicks behind me.

  The town passed by in a flash, but it was a flash that reminded me that I might never see any of those stores again. I might never gas up at the Exxon. Never buy cold cuts at the tiny deli. Never waste a hungover day kicking around the abandoned storefronts and drinking coffee at the diner and watching the few locals toodle around looking for something to do.

  You might live, you have to try to live, you’re doing the right thing, you’ll make it out, you will, I told myself, trying to stay positive.

  Miracles did happen sometimes, after all. Cass was a miracle.

  But the thought of her, crying after me as I ran away one last time, hurt too much to linger on.

  The bar came into view, and I pushed my low rider as fast as it would go to make it there.

  Behind me, the cars looked like puddles of blue on the hazy road. My mouth was dry, my heart racing. Dust billowed around me as I turned onto the dusty parking lot, the sound of my engine brittle and hollow in my ears.

  Ten hours of riding should, it seemed, have helped sooth
my soul, helped me make peace with my potential demise. But I was shaking, still, as I turned off the bike. The world seemed to be more real than it had ever been before, everything sharp and vivid. The cars broke free of the haze, would reach us in minutes, or less. Likely less; minutes was hopeful thinking on my part.

  “The fuck are you doing here, Trigger,” someone said, and turning, I saw Puck in the doorway of the bar.

  “I’m sorry, Puck, for everything,” I said, licking my dry lips with my dry tongue.

  “Reign said…ah, fuck, Reign!” Puck leaned into the bar and called for the President. I began to back away, moving towards the road.